The not so unfortunate demise of Pansy Parkinson
by Just another ginger girl
Summary: Muahaha. I hate Pansy so much. Rated T for language.
1. Conveinently Placed Cliffs

**Disclaimer: I dont own the dude with the lightning bolt scar, or the sponge who lives in a pinneaple under the sea. Or Charlie the Unicorn... or anything else really.**

Once upon a time there were two completely amazing Slytherin girls named Catherine and Dana. Catherine loved Draco Malfoy and Dana loved Lucios Malfoy. They were very very spaztic and liked to annoy stupid gryfrindoors. Especially ones named Ginny Weasly. But this doesnt have much to do with this story.

Anyway, Draco fell in love with Catherine. They wanted to be together very badly but there was one problem. Draco had an insane, annoying, controlling girlfriend named Pansy Parkinson. She was a bitch. Draco tried to break up with her but she threatened to avada kedavra him in his sleep. And I dont mean the killing curse, children.

So one day Catherine got very sick of all of this. So one day in the Slytherin common room while Catherine, being the leader of the future deatheaters club, was plotting she said to her friend.

"Dana, I'm bored... I want to carry out one of our many evil plots."

"Which one should we do? I think we should do the one when we kidnap Snape and Lucios..."

"No, lets save that for when we sell real estate"

Dana looked at Catherine like she was crazy, and by crazy I mean crazier than normal.

"Damn. I keep getting my Spongebob and Harry Potter refrences mixed up."

"Its ok, Catherine. Maybe those nice men with the needles can help you."

"Shut up Dana. Anyway, I was thinking we should kill Pansy Parkinson!"

"That sounds fun!"

"Then let us go!"

Heroic music started playing in the background as the two girls set off to find Pansy.

She was in the girls dorm being ugly, as usual.

"HEEEYYY PANSY!" Catherine said in an obnoxios voice resembling one of the unicorns from Charlie the Unicorn.

"What do you want, Catherine?"

"Come apparate with us Pansy!"

"What? Why?"

"We're going to kill you!" Dana idiodicly exclaimed.

Catherine elbowed Dana very hard.

"What she meant to say was... Draco wants to make out with you and were gonna take you there!"

"REALLY!?!?!?!" Pansy started spazzing

"Yeah, uhuh sure. Just grab onto my arm and we'll be off"

Before they could do anything Hermione Granger bursted through the door.

"I've told you a thousand times! You cant apparate in the grounds!!!"

"Shut up Hermione, this is a spoof. I can do as I please."

"Bu- bu-bu-" Hermione started babbling then stormed out of the room, her rules being ignored, again.

"Ok, now that that's over..."

All three of the girls apparated onto a pointy cliff in a wonderful place called... well I dont know what its called, its just a cliff ok?

"Where are we? Draco isn't here!" Pansy looked around scared for here life.

Catherine and Dana exchanged evil smirks

"Were on a cliff Paaaaaansy" They said simultaniously in that weird Charlie the Unicorn voice again. "Yeah Pansy a sharp, dangerous cliff!"

Before Pansy could do anything Catherine screamed DIE and pushed Pansy off of the cliff. As she was falling, she felt as if she was under the imperious curse so she stuck out her middle finger and screamed.

"NO! YOU HAVENT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!"

Catherine and Dana, feeling very satisfied with themselves apparated back into the Slytherin common room. They threw a huge yay Pansy is dead party where Catherine and Draco made out the whole time while Dana dumped Lucios for Snape. So they all lived happily ever after with Pansy being dead. Or was she?

**A/N: Review if you want a sequel involving the most amazing Houcroux ever. Haha. So review. Or I'll get Voldie to attack you with a rubber chicken, and thats not pretty, just ask Wormtail.**


	2. Houcroxes FTW?

**A/n: I apologize for not saying a few things last chapter.**

**1. I cannot spell or use proper grammar to save my life. Im sorry if youre OCD and have a problem with that (*cough* DANA *cough*)**

**2. All flamers will be dipped in a cauldron of lava and will be given to wormtail for dinner :)**

**3. Ummm aparently some people dont know the definition of a spoof. So I will remind us all for a moment. The purpose of a spoof.. is umm HUMOR, and that doesnt require "good vocab" (ftw) so if youre going to even consider going through the torture as mentioned before just think about that :)**

**I belive that is all.**

* * *

Catherine angrily glanced around the Great Hall, her stomach roaring. "When the hell are we going to get any food?" she thought.

"Whats wrong babe" Draco purred seductively.

"Im starving"

"Well it looks like Dumbledore is about to make an annocement. Draco pecked her on the lips as the Great Hall slowly quieted down.

Dubledore stepped up to the podium and spoke "I apologize for the inconvenience but thanks to no other than Hermione Granger all of the house-elves have quit.

Catherine could see Hermione looking very smug over at the Gryfindoor table while Harry and Ron were glaring daggers at her.

"Since none of the staff can cook, we've decided to order McDonalds!"

Groans of disgust erupted from the Great Hall. Catherine was furious.

"I refuse to eat this muggle trash!" She screeched.

"But you're muggle-born Catherine!" Hermione rudely pointed out.

"STFU bitch."

"Dumbledore, what does STFU mean?" Ron asked.

Draco looked at Catherine skepticly.

"Hermione's a liar and you know it...." Catherine lied.

"Scilence!" Dumbledore yelled. "You kids are going to eat your Happy Meals and like it!" Dumbledore sat down with the rest of the staff as they ate their big kid meals with smug faces.

Suddenly, the Happy Meals appeared in front of the students. You could here some of them grumbling about what they got for food but the Proffesors reproachful glances stopped them.

Catherine tore through her Happy Meal grabbing a few fries and tossing her burger. McDonald's meat disgusted her. As she took a bite of one of her fries, Dana and Draco pulled out their toys.

"My little Ponies? WTF?" Dana complained.

Catherine looked around at the other students. Crabbe and Goyle were brushing their ponies hair and gushing at how cute they are. Catherine looked at Draco with a raised eyebrow.

"And you hang out with them because...?"

"They are my slave minion people... thats really it."

"Aaah, I see."

After scanning the Gryfindoor table to find that Harry drew glasses and a scar on his pony so that they would be "twins", she decided to get out her pony. When she got it out it was different, it had ugly black hair and a horribly disfigured face that resembled... no... it couldn't be...

"DEFECTIVE PONY FTW" Catherine pulled out her flamethrower and tried to destroy it. But it wouldn't work. Draco and Dana both volunteered to try but it wouldn't work. They had to stop when they had almost burned down half the Slytherin table. Snape stormed over to them extremely pissed.

"Dumbledore's office. NOW!" Snape seethed.

Dana just stared at him with the dreamy expression that she usually did when she was in class. Draco and Catherine dragged her to the Headmasters office with them

"Tom, clean up this puddle." they all said at the same time. They had been to the Headmaster's office a lot this year.

As they stepped into the steps leading up to Dumbledore's office Catherine tried to figure it out what the eff this pony was. Then all of a sudden the lightbulb that was supposed to be burned out flashed in her head.

"I know what this thing is!"

"What is it?" Dana and Draco asked at the same time?

"Its an effing houcroux!"

"VOLDIE COPIER" Dana shreiked.

Draco slapped Dana upside the head. "Be quiet! Do you wanna wake up the whole school?"

"I do." Dana replied in her Gir voice.

"But were not asleep right now" A random Huffelpuff said.

"Invader Zim moment FTW" She pointed her wand at the random Hufflepuff. "AVADA KEDAVRA"

"Catherine, what did I say about killing students on the grounds?" Dubledore questioned as they entered his office.

"Only where nobody can see me and I have to bury the body"

"Good. Now Catherine, Dana and Draco... Why are we here today?"

"Well, we were trying to destroy this." Catherine showed Dumbledore the pony. "We think that it's Pansy Parkinson's houcrox"

"Aaaahhh I see." Dumbledore handed Catherine Gryfindoor's sword. "Would you like to do the honors?"

"Yes I would!" Catherine stabbed the pony repeatedly and used its shredded remains as confetti that she threw around Dumbledore's office.

As Catherine and Draco ran off to find somewhere to make out and Dana went to find Snape, they all realized that Pansy was officially gone and they would all be in peace for the remainder of the school year.

**A/N: R&R peeps!!! luv ya!**


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